On Mondays during in the fall, the conversation is so dominated by NFL football that the expression “Monday morning quarterback” has entered the vernacular. The phrase is defined by Google as “a person who passes judgment on and criticizes something after the event.” With the popularity of fantasy football, we now have Monday morning quarterbacks talking about football from two different perspectives. We want you to be able to participate in this great tradition, so all fall we’ll be running NFL One Liners on Monday. Use these tiny synopses throughout the day:
Week 9
Sunday, November 2, at 1:00 p.m. ET
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 17, at Cleveland Browns 22
The Cleveland Browns’ romp through the three weakest teams in the NFL continued today with a win over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. They’re now 5-3 but one senses that reality might treat the Browns harshly once they start playing better teams.
Line: The Browns cut through opponents like a knife through butter but… so far all their opponents have basically been butter.
Jacksonville Jaguars 23, at Cincinnati Bengals 33
Talking about weak opponents, that’s written on the back of every Jaguars business card. The Jaguars may be the best of the worst teams but they still fell to the Bengals.
Line: Another week, another Jaguars loss. Maybe they would do better if they had a different governor?
Arizona Cardinals 28, at Dallas Cowboys 17
This matchup of highly ranked teams was marred by the absence of Cowboys starting quarterback Tony Romo who missed the game because of two broken bones in his back.
Line: Without Romo, the Cowboys never seemed to have a chance against the Cardinals.
Philadelphia Eagles 31, at Houston Texans 21
The Eagles lost their starting quarterback, Nick Foles in this game. The Texans lost their starting running back, Arian Foster. Despite quarterbacks being generally though of as less replaceable than running backs, the Eagles didn’t miss a beat while the Texans faltered.
Line: The Eagles barely seemed to miss Foles when he got injured.
New York Jets 10, at Kansas City Chiefs 24
Kansas City needed some good news after suffering a game seven World Series loss and an early elimination from the Major League Soccer playoffs during the past week. They got it with the arrival of the woeful New York Jets.
Line: I expect Rex Ryan to get fired this week.
San Diego Chargers 0, at Miami Dolphins 27
I have no idea what happened in this game. I’m not sure anyone has any idea what happened in this game.
Line: I have no idea what happened in this game.
Washington Redskins 26, at Minnesota Vikings 29
This game was overshadowed by two artifacts of protest against the use of a racial slur as the name of an NFL team. 1. When the team bus was involved in a traffic accident, the NFL’s official twitter account posted a photo but referred to the team only as “Washington,” noticeably not using the team’s name. 2. Thousands of Minnesotans gathered before the game to protest the name.
Line: Washington lost, but the bigger story might be them losing their name soon enough.
SUNDAY, November 2, AT 4:05 and 4:25 P.M. ET
St. Louis Rams 13, at San Francisco 49ers 10
All year, the 49ers have seemed like a powder-keg of resentment towards their coach and worse than expected performance. The Rams might have just lit a match and thrown it.
Line: Watch out for the “49ers are exploding” stories this week.
Oakland Raiders 24, at Seattle Seahawks 30
Not a bad showing from the Raiders on the road in Seattle. The Raiders specialize in moral victories.
Line: Remember when the Raiders we’re good? Oh, you weren’t born then? Neither was I.
Denver Broncos 21, at New England Patriots 43
Like an anticipated heavyweight boxing match that ends with a first round knockout, leaving viewers feel like they were robbed of some enjoyment, this game was over before it really got started.
Line: The Patriots hit the Broncos before they could get started.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2, AT 8:30 P.M. ET
Baltimore Ravens 23, at Pittsburgh Steelers 43
The new-age Ravens and Steelers may not be the defensive behemoths of old, but, even as they are scoring lots of points, they seem to hit each other harder than any team hits another team.
Line: The Ravens vs. Steelers rivalry still brings out the most violent aspects of football, it’s just that they score now too.